What would you do if one of your best friends dated your ex?
I…uh…Wish them well and then stay the hell away from all drama in the relationship? I can’t say that this has ever happened to me…I haven’t had many serious boyfriends…like at all… so my experience in this subject is limited.
But every relationship—no matter how inconsequential—I aim to leave in good graces. The people you open your heart up to are the ones who, arguably, have the most influence on your life at a given time, and losing contact with them can sometimes feel like losing a part of yourself. Reasonably, an ex would be someone who you were attracted to for his or her best qualities, so why would you NOT want your best friend to experience the love of someone you clearly care for?
Of course, the relationship could’ve been abusive, or you have outstanding feelings for your ex, or any other number of circumstances could come out of a situation like this. But if your best friend and ex are two people who are compatible, who clearly care for each other, and you care for them as well…then I think that it’s best to put selfish jealousy or thoughts of the past aside and give them your support in their relationship.
How do you make someone fall in love with you?
You can read as many self-help books as you want and watch as many rom-com’s as you can fit in the quickly approaching Winter Break, but they won’t teach you how to make someone fall in love with you.
You could try manipulation: withholding sex is a big one, or pulling a “John Tucker Must Die” or “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”. You can change your hair, your clothes, your laugh and your smile to match the preferences of your intended romance. You can be the girl (or guy) who’s always there: a shoulder to cry on, a meal already prepared, a ride home for the holidays…none of it will work. Definitively, at least.
Nobody wants a love story like that, anyway. And what are you doing, trying to make someone love you? We all know that will end badly anyway. We’re young, and in college, and love is hard. It’s euphoric mixed with crushing lows, unless I’ve been doing it wrong this whole time, and takes an emotional toll far worse than any wine-and-rejection-induced hangover ever could.
Slow down. Appreciate the time you get with someone and let it go wherever it does. Give yourself the love story you deserve.
When do you graduate?
NEXT YEAR. Someone slow it all down, please.
You said that this blog was started after a bad break-up. Did you ever get over it? Does your ex read this blog?
A little background info: when WeStayAwake started, it went by a completely different name. I had just started college, was adjusting to a new lifestyle and people and being away from old friends and family, and compounding all of that was my long-distance relationship with my high school boyfriend. We were together for nearly a year and a half before I broke it off. He was my first love, and my best friend for years before we dated. If you go back through my posts to the very beginning, you’ll most likely see the progression of my emotions as my heart was breaking, and then rebuilding.
But maintaining such a strong relationship with someone living two and a half hours away proved to be too difficult—I was falling apart from the added stress and anxiety and decided that moving on would be best for us both.
It took a while, but I was able to move on. We still talk (although not regularly), and I want all the best for him. He doesn’t (to my knowledge) read this blog, although if he does…Happy Birthday, again. I hope it was great, Zach.
How have you changed since high school?
There are so many different answers to this question so I’m going to leave it at this: I feel very little connection between the person I was in high school and the person I am now. It’s almost as if the Erin that walked the halls of Zeeland East for four years has ceased to exist, and a new Erin has taken her place. The core principles still stand—I’m opinionated, outspoken, empathetic when I want to be and the most uncoordinated girl you’re ever likely to meet.
But the rest? Gone.
What are your after college plans?
Grad school, I guess. I decided against law school at the beginning of this semester and I’ve been asking myself the same question ever since. You know Rachel Maddow? Erin Burnett? Christiane Amanpour, Arwa Damon? I wanna do what they do.
Those plans are pretty lofty, so we’ll see how far I get. You gotta have a dream, right?
If you have questions, send them to www.westayawake.com/ask.