I’m bad at answering questions sometimes and this one has been in my inbox for at least a month and a half. I finally got around to it this week. If your name is Mike or Michelle and you lived with me for 17 years, please do not read this article. Seriously, I’m saving you here. Just skip right on ahead. The rest of you? Enjoy.
If you’re with someone who’s better looking than you, how do you maintain a positive body image? Also, I guess the same question can be asked if you’re with someone who’s more experienced than you…how do you stay confident and sexy?
Wear cute underwear?
Kidding. Kinda. All jokes aside, I’ve been here. And the best advice that I can give you is simple: have fun. But don’t take my word for it. Listen to the dudes that I surveyed online instead.
I posted a link a few days ago asking sexually active males to respond to a quick survey for a blog post. I posted to facebook, twitter and tumblr around 11 pm and had 19 hits by the next morning. I took the survey down at that point for fear of trolls messing with me (overall, I only had two answers that were insincere) and have been going through the responses since Tuesday.
Collectively, these men are a lot less worried with your slightly-larger-than-last-year thighs and your lack of experience as they are with the way your boobs look and, I’m going to try to make this as least-crude as possible, “busting” early.
That’s not to say that attraction isn’t a big part of sex—it’s huge. The initial cues you receive from someone (and they from you) will make or break the potential you’ve got to, ahem, bang like the horny teenagers I know you are.
Experience is largely insignificant as well, according to my 19 men. While some expressed that they wanted only “sluts” or “whores” for easier access, most claimed that they didn’t care about how many guys with which a girl had done the deed. They weren’t interested in women who had high numbers, but also weren’t overly thrilled about bonking girls with V cards (due only to the assumed intimacy taking someone’s virginity creates in today’s society. I’ll save you all from a rant on the social construction of virginity so you’re welcome.). Regardless, there are exceptions. And the biggest one? Willingness to have fun in bed (and a lack of STDs).
So this comes back to you, anon. If you’re open to enjoying sex as an experience rather than an opportunity to (pardon the pun) screw up, you’ll have a satisfying experience along with your partner. Spend every tantalizing second worrying about the way your face is looking when something feels good, how you’re supposed to have sex standing up (any 30 Rock fans out there?), or if your partner is enjoying his view. If he’s hittin’ that, chances are that he’s enjoying it as well.
I’ll leave you with the words of a respondent that I thought would be pretty influential for a question like yours.
Women should NEVER think that the man she is with in bed is under the assumption that he is more attractive than her. In bed, I don’t care who you are, you are the most attractive person on this earth and so is the person you are having sex with. Chances are, if a man is in bed with you, he thinks you’re damn fine and you better believe it.
So there, anon. You hear me? Work what you’ve got, have fun, and he will too. The best sex comes from willingness to put yourself out there, good communication, and at least one person who knows what they’re doing. The rest will come with it.